In defense of narcissism: nude selfies

Do you know what most adults human beings do? Have sex. And do you know what else they do? Take nudes. Lots of nudes. Try getting someone’s phone and checking out their photo album – at some point they’ll come stop you, and it’s not because their battery is running low. It’s because that carrousel is filled with dicks.

And let’s be honest: gay guys love sending pictures of their goods to strangers.

When I see a nude in someone else’s phone, or online, in my head I’m thinking “nice angle”, or “yep, I’ve tried this position too”. Unless of course if what I see is so hot that I start wanting to cast the person for my next film.

Do you know why nudes are so great? First, because you explore your body. And this is even before sharing it with anyone. In order to take a nude, you gotta be naked – which is the best status of any body, ever. Then, you pay attention to it: how it moves, how it looks from someone else’s perspective. While doing this, it’s very likely that you’ll like what you see (if you have a body, I bet you can be hot). And the more you like what you are, baby, and the more you are in control your body, the more fucking awesome your fucks will be. That’s the rule.

You don’t even have to share it if you don’t want to – it’s enough that you took it. Take a long look at it. You might want to imagine some action in that picture, maybe someone else touching what you see, or maybe you go a little Natalie Portman in Black Swan and picture a blowob given by you to yourself. That’s some fucking juicy porn story right there, and you’re the star. Shut the shame mouth’s up and enjoy it.

Wanna do it right now? Here are a few tips (inspired by porn-making, yes):

Scout the apartment

Take a look around and choose the background of your picture. Move objects around if necessary. Plans are great and will make you (and your penis) look wild and fearless, and that’s always nice to see. Oh and please make sure there’s nothing horribly disgusting behind you.

Choose the lighting

Remember the lighting tricks you make when you’re having someone over? Repeat them for your selfie. No flash, unless you want to look like Voldemort.

Try a thousand positions

Some work better than others, find your perfect angle. Don’t forget it and use it in bed, as well.

Put some music

You deserve it, bitch.

And by the way, no slut shaming other, heh? If you do it, stop right now because slut shaming is just lame. Acting like someone having fun with their own bodies on camera is wrong is all sorts of hypocritical and stupid. What kind of judgement is that? Specially when everyone does it (yes, everyone).  

A little healthy narcissism goes a long long way. And most important of all, Don’t we all deserve to feel sexy?

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